Aunt Bee
Works best with a plastic straw, though paper is OK until it gets soggy. First, flatten the straw at one end -- biting it works best. Then, slit the straw along the fold lines for maybe 1/2 inch or so, forming your double reed. To play it, hold it between your lips, keeping it flat, and blow. You may have to bite a bit to keep it flat, though that makes the tone worse. If you get a good sound, you can improve the effect by cutting finger holes. I remember one particularly fine instrument -- my father was able to play "The Campbells Are Coming" and clear that corner of the restaurant simultaneously. We pretended we didn't notice anything.
This one works well with the fat type of straws (i.e. McDonald's type). Wrap one end around your finger and pinch tightly with your thumb. The straw should be pointing up towards the ceiling. Now place your other thumb and forefinger right above the hand the straw is wrapped around. Now blow into the straw like you would a beer bottle and slide your upper hand up as you blow. The result is a whistle that sounds like a piccolo pete.
Between your forefingers and thumbs pinch and hold tightly the ends of a straw. Hold the straw in a position that one end looks as though it may impale you (note: your forefinger and thumb on your right hand is close to your body). Now move your left hand (which is away from your body) slightly to left and in the "roll-em-up" fashion of patty cake (right over left and left over right) keep twisting until there is approximately 2" of straw which is still in a cylinder shape and not wound up. Have the second individual of your party "flick" (thumb and middle finger kick) the part of the straw not wound up and you should hear a loud pop. If you are really good at this particular trick, the flick could pop the straw into 2 pieces. It tends to be a one shot only try. If you miss and bend or slit the straw in the first go around you need a new straw.
Take a tray, a glass with ice, a pat of butter, and some salt. Put the pat of butter on the bottom of the ice filled glass. Stick it on the tray. Put salt in the glass and stir. The glass will freeze to the tray so hard that you can pick up the tray by picking up the glass. Busboys hate this.
Tear the littest possible piece of paper off of the top of the paper covering a plastic straw; then COMPRESS the paper down the straw. Don't take the straw out of the paper, compress the paper down the straw. When you're done you'll have a little accordioned glop of paper. Take a drop of water -- and whether with your finger, the edge of the straw, or sucked into the straw and let out carefully, you'll have to work out for yourself; I've always used the edge-of-the-straw method myself -- and LIGHTLY touch it to the accordion. The "snake" will slowly (sometimes rapidly) unfold and move across the table. If you've REALLY squeezed hard, one drop will make the whole thing wriggle, but sometimes another drop will catch a little unfolded part and make it wriggle a little the second time.
You use your knife to put a little slit in the tomato, and hold it with the slit horizontal so it looks like a mouth. Squeeze the tomato gently at the sides, and the slit will open and close as if it's talking. You (the ventriloquist) can make it say something like, "Ohhhh, I think I ate too much. Unhhh, I really don't feel so good. Oooh, I think I'm gonna....Uuurrrp!" On the final "Uuurp" or whatever appropriate sound you can come up with, you squeeze the tomato really hard, so the crack widens and all the innards come spewing forth.
Most salt and pepper shakers have bevelled bottoms. Tilt the shaker and shore up the part underneath with salt. Brush away all remaining salt so that it looks like the shakers are tilting by themselves. Then spend the rest of the meal eating sideways. This confuses the waiters.
Note: must be performed in an eatery with acoustical tile ceiling. Insert one of those fancy toothpicks -- the kind with the colored cellophane curly thingies on one end -- into your straw, curly-thingy-end first. Insert opposite end of straw in mouth. Cover tip of straw with tongue. Blow, then remove tongue from straw. The toothpick will shoot out of the straw and stick in the ceiling.
This only works at a Mexican restaurant where they have someone making fresh tortillas. Ask for a ball of tortilla dough. Return to the table. Hiding the ball in your hand, sneeze loudly and open your hand to reveal the "snot."
You take a banana that is already a little ripe (with some of those small dark spots on it). Take a fine long needle, put it into one of the spots, and then etch a circle inside the banana, scraping along the inside of the skin. Withdraw the needle, and it is almost impossible to tell that the banana has been "cut" inside. Do this 2 or 3 times to the banana, and when someone peels it to eat it, the first or second "slice" may just fall off onto the floor. This is wonderful entertainment for nieces and nephews, particularly if an adult falls for the trick.
You need a glass of Sprite or 7-Up and some raisins. Dump a few raisins in the soda and they'll bob up and down for quite a long time (until the soda goes flat).
1. Place a napkin over the top of a full water glass. Pull the napkin taught over the mouth of the glass and hold it in place firmly against the sides of the glass. 2. Quickly turn the glass upside down and place it on the counter or table top. 3. Slide the napkin out from under the glass. Voila! A flood waiting to happen!