Guess I'll Eat Some Worms: THE AUNT AND UNCLE HIT PARADE



Uncle Fester


Table of Contents:

Be Kind
The Bear Went Over the Mountain
Bosco
Bubble gum (Bazooka bubble gum)
Comet
Desperado
Diarrhea
Found a Peanut
Fried Ham
Gopher Guts (two versions)
Grandma's in the Cellar
Howdy Doody Time
I Know a Song
I Wish I Were
Jingle Bells (Santa Smells)
John Brown's Baby
Joy to the World (Our Teacher's Dead)
Little Bunny Foo Foo
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory
Miss Lucy #1
Miss Lucy #2
Miss Susie (kinda like Miss Lucy, but different)
My Bonnie
My Country Tis of Thee
My Father Owns a Butcher Shop
My Mother Baked A Lemon Pie
Nobody Loves Me
On Top of Old Smokey (All Covered With Dirt)
On Top of Old Smokey (All Covered With Blood
On Top of Spaghetti
Peanut
Place in France, A
Popeye (two versions)
Randolph
Row Row Row
The Song That Never Ends
The Song That Ends
Stranded
Suffocation
Ta Ra Ra Boom Dee Ay (Two Versions)
Take Me Out to the Ballgame/Graveyard/Hospital
Tardy
Waking Up at Seven
Whistle While You Work
The Worms Crawl In (Two Versions)


The Bear Went Over The Mountain (thanks to Wayne)

The bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain, to see what he could see.
Oh he saw another mountain, he saw another mountain, he saw another mountain, and what do you think he did?
Oh he climbed that other mountain, he climbed that other mountain, he climbed that other mountain, and what do you think he saw?
(and so on..)

Be Kind (thanks to Tim J.)

Be kind to your web-footed friends
'Cause (for) a duck may be somebody's mother.
Be kind to your friends in the swamp
Where the water (weather) is very damp.
Be nice to the camel in the zoo
for his hump may be hi - i - ding your brother.
Be good to the tiger and the monk
and we will let you smell our favorite pet sku - unk.

[In the version song by Tom Glazer and the Do-Re-Mi Children's Chorus on the record, "On Top of Spaghetti" Kapp Records 1963, they continue with the song. I imagine these next lyrics are made up by Tom, himself; perhaps they all are. Tom sings a line and the children repeat:]

Tom: Be nice to the Monster Mash.
Children: ... the Monster Mash.
Tom: ... the Monster Mash.

Be kind to the purple people eaters.
Children: ... purple people eaters.

Tom: Won't you be so kind to the horrible faces that come here from outer spaces?
Won't you be so kind to your two shoesies and to all your shoesy laces?
Won't you be so kind when teacher thanks you?
Won't you be so kind when daddy spanks you?
[winding down] Won't you be so kind, so kind, so kind, so kind, so kind, so kind, so kind . . .
Children: So kind.

Repeat the first stanza all the way thru, then repeat the first four lines followed by:

You may think that this is the end - well, it is!

Bosco (thanks to Steve H.)

I hate Bosco
It's not the drink for me
My mommy put it in my milk
To try to poison me
One day I fooled Mommy
I put some in her tea
And now I have no mommy
To try to poison me!

Bubble Gum (thanks to Chloe McCloskey)

My mom gave me a penny
She said go eat at Denny's
But I didn't want no Denny's
Instead I want some bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
My mom gave me a nickle
She said go buy a pickle
But I didn't want no pickle
Instead I want some bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
My mom gave me a dime
She said go buy a lime
But I didn't want no lime
Instead I want some bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
My mom gave me a quarter
She said go buy a waaatah
But I didn't want no waaatah
Instead I want some bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
My mom gave me a doller
She said go buy a coller
But I didn't want no coller
Instead I want some bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
My mom gave me a five
She said go stay alive
But I didn't stay alive
Instead I choked on bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum
Bazooka zooka bubble gum

Comet (thanks to Simone McCloskey)

(To the tune of the "Colonel Bogie March"


Comet
It tastes like gasoline
Comet
It makes your teeth turn green
Comet
It makes you vomit
So buy some Comet
And vomit
Today.

Desperado (thanks to Chloe McCloskey)

(Chorus)
He was a big bald man, he was a [pause] desperado
From rippling creeks way down in Colorado
And he horsed around just like a big tor-nahdo
And everywhere he went he gave his Whoooo-Oooooo.

He was a desperado from the Wild Wild West
He wore a big sombrero and guns across his chest
[line unknown]
And everywhere he went he gave his Whoooo-Ooooo.
(Chorus)
He went to Coney Island just to see all of the sights
He saw the hoochie-coochies and the girls in purple tights
He got so darn excited that he shot up all the lights
And everywhere he went he gave his Whooo-Ooooo.
(Chorus)



Diarrhea (thanks to Kevin Bright)

When you're running to first and you feel a juicy burst
Diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh
When you're sliding into third and squeeze a wet turd
Diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh
When you're coming into home and your pants are full of foam
Diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh
When you're sitting on the bench and butt starts to twitch
Diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh diarrhea pwwtthh pwwtthh

Found a Peanut (thanks to Matilda and Miles)

[To "My Darling Clementine"]

Found a peanut
Found a peanut
Found a peanut last night
Last night I found a peanut
Found a peanut last night

Cracked it open
Cracked it open
Cracked in open last night
Last night I cracked it open
Cracked it open last night


(Continue as before:)

It was rotten...
Ate it anyway...
Got a tummy ache...
Called the doctor,,,
Operation...
Died anyway...
Went to heaven...
Didn't want me...
Went the other way...
Didn't want me...

[Spoken] Sigh...it was just a dream!

Fried Ham (thanks to Steve S.)


Fried ham, fried ham, cheese and baloney,
And after the macaroni, we'll have onions,
Pickles and peppers.
And then we'll have some more fried ham --
Fried ham! Fried ham!
[Now challenge the other people to sing the song in different voices; for example, Elmer Fudd ("fwied ham, fwied ham")]

Version #2, also from Steve:

Fried ham, fried ham
Cheese and bologna
And after the macaroni
We’ll have onions, pickles and pretzels
And then we’ll have some more fried ham
Fried ham, fried ham!
Same song second verse English accent little bit worse...
Same song third verse Southern accent little bit worse...
Same song fourth verse Sluggish accent little bit worse...
Same song fifth verse Robot accent little bit worse...
Same song sixth verse Baby accent little bit worse...etc.

Gopher Guts: Abbreviated Version (thanks to Seattle Gal)


Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, little birdies' pickled feet.
Great green gobs of vomit down the alley way.
Darn it - forgot my spoon.
But I got a straaaaaaawwwwww. (slurp)

Gopher Guts: Full Version (thanks to Supah C and the Trinity Day Camp)



Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Ground up birdie feet
French fried eyeballs sitting in a bowl of blood
and I forgot my spoon
so they gave me
Scab sandwiches
Pus on top
Eagle eyeballs
and camel snot
but all these things just went to pot
so they gave me
Barf with sugar on top

Grandma's in the Cellar (thanks to Seattle Gal)

Grandma's in the cellar. Oh my can't you smell her.
She's cooking on her dirty filthy stove.
From her eyes there came a matter, and it fell into the batter,
And she whistled while it (snort sound) down her nose!
Down her nose, down her nose,
And she whistled while it (snort sound) down her nose!

I Know a Song (Part 1: thanks to Not R's Little Sister; part 2: thanks to RedKaje)

(Part 1: To the tune of "Glory, Glory Hallelujah")
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
And this is how it goes: [repetere ad infinitum]

[Part 2: To the tune of Frere Jacques:]


Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
No we're not,
No we're not.
When're gonna get there?
When're gonna get there?
Gotta go
Gotta go.

I Wish I Were (thanks to Lynn)


Oh I wish I were a fuzzy-wuzzy fox,
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy-wuzzy fox,
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy-wuzzy fox,
If I were a fuzzy-wuzzy fox,
I wouldn't have to wash my socks.
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy-wuzzy fox.

Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap,
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap,
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap,
I'd go slippedy-slippedy slidey
All across your little hidey.
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap.

Oh I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito,
I'd go flippedy-flippedy flighty
Underneath your little nighty.
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito.

Howdy Doody Time (thanks to Steve H.)

It's Howdy Doody time
It isn't worth a dime
So turn to Channel Nine
And let's watch Frankenstein ...

Jingle Bells (thanks to Penpal)

Jingle bells
Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And Joker broke his leg.

John Brown's Baby (thanks to Sparrowgrass)

(To the tune of "John Brown's Body")

John Brown's baby has a cold upon its chest
John Brown's baby has a cold upon its chest
John Brown's baby has a cold upon its chest
And they rubbed it with camphorated oil.
Motions -- at "baby" rock your arms as if you were rocking a baby, at "cold" cover your mouth, and at "chest", tap your chest.
First verse, sing all the words, using the motions. Second verse, instead of saying "baby", just make the rocking motion. Third verse, rock for "baby", cover mouth and cough for "cold". Fourth verse, rock, cough and then tap chest at "chest".


Joy to the World (thanks to Simone McCloskey)

Joy to the World
Our teacher's dead
We barbecued her head.
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty.
And round and round it went
And round and round it went.
And round, and round, and round it went.

Little Bunny Foo Foo (thanks to Penpal)

(To the tune of "Eensy Beensy Spider")
Little Bunny Foo Foo hoppin' through the forest,
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.
(Spoken) Down came the good fairy and she said
(Sung) Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.
(Spoken) I'll give you 3 more chances, and then I'll turn you into a goon!

[Repeat until chances are used up.]

Little Bunny Foo Foo hoppin' through the forest,
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.
(Spoken) Down came the good fairy and she said:
Little Bunny Foo Foo, I gave you 3 chances and you blew it.
Poof! You're a goon.

The moral of the story is...Hare today, Goon tomorrow.

Mary Had A Little Lamb (thanks to Sniquer)


Mary had a little lamb,
She fed it castor oil,
And everywhere that Mary went
It fertilized the soil.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
She still takes the lamb to school,
Between two bits of bread.

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day,
And so she took some castor oil,
To pass the time away.

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard that tale before,
But have you heard she passed her plate,
And had a little more.

Mary had a little lamb,
It danced in skips and hops,
It danced into the road one day,
And ended up as chops.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
He couldn't believe his eyes.

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory (thanks to Not R and Andy)

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule,
We have shot the secretary, we have hung the principal
Our truth goes marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler.
I bopped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine
[or: I hid behind the door with a loaded .44]
And teacher taught no more.

Miss Lucy #1 (thanks to Penpal)

Miss Lucy had a tugboat. The tugboat had a bell.
Miss Lucy went to heaven. The tugboat went to
Hello, operator. Please give me number nine.
If you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the
Behind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass.
Miss Lucy fell upon it, and broke her little
Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies.
Miss Lucy told me all of this right before she died, died, died.

Miss Lucy #2 (thanks to Penpal)

Miss Lucy had a baby. She named it Tiny Tim.
She put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim.
He drank up all the water. He ate up all the soap.
He tried to eat the bathtub, but it wouldn't go down his throat.
Miss Lucy called the Doctor. The Doctor called the nurse.
The nurse called the lady with the alligator purse.
The baby ate the doctor. The baby ate the nurse,
But he didn't eat the lady with the alligator purse, purse, purse.

Miss Susie (thanks to Sailor Mimi)

Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steam boat had a bell,
Miss Susie went to heaven, the steam boat went to
Hello operator, please give me #9,
And if you disconnect me, I'll kick you from
Behind he refrigerator, there was a piece of glass.
Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her little
Ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom, zipping down their
Flies in the meadow, bees are in the park,
Miss Susie and her boyfriend, are kissing in the
Dark is like a movie, movie's like a show,
A show is like a T.V. screen and this is all I know!

My Bonnie (thanks to Juno and Rbarr)


(To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean")

Version #1
My Bonnie has tuberculosis
My Bonnie has only one lung
My Bonnie spits blood in her pocket
She dries it and chews it for gum.


Version #2

Last night as I lay on my pillow,
Last night as I lay on my bed,
My feet hung out of the window;
Next morning my neighbors were dead!

Bring back, bring back,
Bring back my neighbors to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my neighbors to me!

My Country Tis of Thee (thanks to Convert)

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of Germany,
Of thee I sing.
I love your saurkraut, run down the streets and shout,
"Hotsy, totsy, I'm a Nazi!" (this line done in Jimmy Durante fashion)



My Father Owns a Butcher Shop (thanks to Gladys)

(Note: Gladys is looking for the origin of this song. If you know, drop me a line!)


My father owns a butcher shop
My mother cuts the meat
And I'm the little Hot Dog who runs around the street.

My Mother Baked a Lemon Pie (thanks to Anne Marie)

My mother baked a lemon pie
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum you rub your stomach)

My father drives a garbage truck
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum rub your stomach)
Pewy (while you sing pewy, hold your nose)

My sister is a ballerina
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum rub your stomach)
Pewy (while you sing pewy, hold your nose)
La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee (while you sing La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee, put your pointer finger on top of your head and shake your head)

My brother is a western cowboy
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum rub your stomach)
Pewy (while you sing pewy, hold your nose)
La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee (while you sing La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee, you put your pointer finger on top of your head and shake your head)
Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in (while you sing Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in, make hands and fingers into a gun, and when you say the first bang! Shoot with one of them, when you say the second bang, shoot with the other one, then pretend to stick each one, one at a time, in your pockets while correlating the motions with Roll’em up and stick’em in.)

My auntie is an operator
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum rub your stomach)
Pewy (while you sing pewy, hold your nose)
La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee (while you sing La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee, put your pointer finger on top of your head and shake your head)
Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in (while you sing Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in, make hands and fingers into a gun, and when you say the first bang! Shoot with one of them, when you say the second bang, shoot with the other one, then pretend to stick each one, one at a time, in your pockets while correlating the motions with Roll’em up and stick’em in.)
Hello! Goodbye! May I have your number please? (while you sing Hello!, cup your right hand to your right ear and hold it, when you say Goodbye! Cup your left hand over your mouth and then pinch your nose and say May I have your number please?

My uncle is a strangler
Yum, Yum (while you sing yum, yum rub your stomach)
Pewy (while you sing pewy, hold your nose)
La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee (while you sing La Dee Da Dee Da Dee Dee, put your pointer finger on top of your head and shake your head)
Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in (while you sing Bang! Bang! Roll’em up stick’em in, make hands and fingers into a gun, and when you say the first bang! Shoot with one of them, when you say the second bang, shoot with the other one, then pretend to stick each one, one at a time, in your pockets while correlating the motions with Roll’em up and stick’em in.)
Hello! Goodbye! May I have your number please? (while you sing Hello!, cup your right hand to your right ear and hold it, when you say Goodbye! Cup your left hand over your mouth and then pinch your nose and say May I have your number please?
Hold your neck like you are being strangled and pretend to gasp for air; do this directly after May I have your number please?

Nobody Loves Me (thanks to Juno and Rbarr)


Version #1
Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonne go eat worms.
Big fat juicy ones, little tiny squirmy ones, I'm gonna go eat worms.
First you bite the heads off,
Then you squirt the guts out,
Then you throw the skins away.
Nobody knows that I eat worms three times every day.

Version #2


Nobody loves me, everybody hates me,
Sittin' in the garden eatin' worms.
First one went down easy,
Second one went down squeezy,
Third one stuck in my throat;
Fourth one choked me,
Fifth one poked me,
Sixth one got my goat!

On Top of Old Smokey (thanks to Sam I Am)

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with dirt
I shot my poor teacher
When somebody burped

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She's forty foot wide

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
When no one was looking
I threw a grenade

It blew up the village
It blew up the land
And all that was left was
da da da da da [the missing lyrics!!]

On Top of Old Smokey: Rather Alarming PG-13 Rated Version (thanks to KoPeRoL)

On top of old Smokey
All covered in blood,
I killed poor R. J.
With a 44 slug.
I went to his funeral, I peed on his grave
He wasn't quite dead yet so I threw a grenade.
The cops came after me to throw me in jail
But I took out my shotgun and blew them to HELL.

On Top of Spaghetti (thanks to Juno)

On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table, and onto the floor,
And then my poor meatball, rolled out of the door
It rolled through the garden and under a bush,
And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush
The mush was as tasty as tasty can be,
And early next summer it grew into a tree
The tree was all covered with beautiful moss
It grew great big meatballs and tomato sauce.
So if you eat spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
Hang onto your meatball, and don't ever sneeze AH-CHOO!

Peanut (thanks to Convert)

Peanut sittin' on a railroad track, his heart was all aflutter.
Down the line came number nine. Toot! Toot! Peanut butter!

A Place in France (thanks to Doug C.)

There's a place in France
Where the ladies do a dance
But the dance they do
Was invented by Magoo
But Magoo wouldn't dance
So they kicked him in the pants
But the pants he wore
Cost a dollar ninety four
But the tax was wrong
So they had to sing a song: (sung to the tune of My Country 'Tis Of Thee)
My country 'tis of thee
I went to Germany
To see the king
The king was Donald Duck
He drove a garbage truck
and Magoo-oo-oo ate it up
and so may you.

Popeye (thanks to Juno)

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a garbage can,
I eat all the worms and spit out the germs,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Popeye #2 (thanks to Skyler)

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a gabage can
I like to go swimmin'
With bow-legged women
I'm Popeye the sailor man

Randolph (thanks to Toto)

(To the Tune of "Rudolph")
Randolph, the Rootin', Tootin' Cowboy,
Had a pair of very shiny guns
And if you ever saw them,
You would turn and run.

None of the other Cowboys
Ever let poor Randolph play.
When ever they saw him,
They would always turn and run.

Then one Foggy Saturday night,
The Sheriff came to say
"Randolph with your guns so bright,
Won't you shoot my wife tonight?"

Then all the other cowboys
Laughed and shouted out with glee,
Cause, Randolph, the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy,
Is now in the Penitentiary!

Row Row Row (thanks to Leah McCloskey, additional verses by RedKaje)

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your teacher in the sea
Listen to her scream.

Five days later, floating down the Delaware,
Chewing on her underwear
'Caint afford another pair

Eight days later, eaten by a grizzly bar'
That's how the grizzly bar' died...

The Song That Doesn't End (thanks to Riffter)


This is the song that doesn't end,
Oh it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started singing it
Not knowing what it was
Now they'll continue singing it forever
Just because This is the song that doesn't end, [etc.]

The Song That Ends (Thanks to Wayne's Brother)

Oh it's the song that ends right now,
So people don't you have a cow,
Some people stopped singin' it,
Cause they knew what it was,
And they will stop singin' it forever just because...(goes on and on)



Stranded (thanks to Jim McCloskey)

(To the tune of the old TV show "Branded")

Stranded!
Stuck on the toilet bowl
What do you do when you're stranded
And you can't reach the roll?

Suffocation (thanks to Sam I Am)

(To the tune of 'Alouette')


[refrain]
Suffocation
We play suffocation
Suffocation
That's the game we play

First you take a plastic bag
Then you stick it over your head
Go to bed
Then you're dead...aaahaahhhaaahhaaahh

[refrain]

First you take a water hose
Then you stick it up your nose
Turn it on
Then you're gone....aahaaaahhaaahhaaahh

[refrain]

Ta Ra Ra Boom Dee Yay Version #1 (thanks to Lisa W.)


Ta-ra-ra-boom-ti-ay!
There is no school today,
The teacher passed away,
She died of tooth decay.


We put her in the bay,
She scared the fish away,
And when we took her out,
She smelled like sauerkraut!

Ta Ra Ra Boom Dee Ay Version #2 (thanks to Lugnut)

************ is a friend of mine
(S)he resembles Frankenstein
When (s)he does the Irish Jig
(S)he resembles Porky Pig
Ta-ra-ra-BOOM-di-ay...

Take Me Out to the Ballgame/The Graveyard/The Hospital (thanks to Billie A.)


Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out to the park
Buy me some peanuts and crackerjack
I don't care if I ever get back
Cuz it's root, root, root for the home team
If they don't win it's a shame
For it's one, two, three strikes you're out
At the old ballgame

GRAVEYARD VARIATION
Take me out to the graveyard
Take me out to my grave
Fill me with blood and some iodine
I don't care if I meet Frankenstein
For it's root, root, root for the Wolfman
Cuz he don't love me no more
For it's one, two, three bites your dead
At the old graveyard

HOSPITAL VARIATION
Take me out to the hospital
Take me out to my room
Shoot me with needles and I don't care
Cuz I'm in love with Dr. Kildaire
For its root, root, root for the nurses
?????
For it's one, two, three shots you're dead
At the old hospital.
[Billie says: "I simply can't recall the 6th line. I'd love to see if anyone else
sang this verse and has a version they can recall.

Tardy (thanks to Chloe McCloskey)

Better late than never
Better never late
You're late! You're late, and you're tardy!
T-A-R-D-Y! You ain't got no alibi!
You're tardy! Yeah, yeah, you're tardy!
Around the flagpole you must go (hey!)
You must go (hey!)
You must go (hey!)
Around the flagpole you must go
You are late!
Back around the other way (hey!)
Other way (hey!)
Other way (hey!)
Back around the other way
You are late.
T-A-R-D-Y! You ain't got no alibi!
You're tardy! Yeah, yeah, you're tardy!

Waking up at Seven (thanks to Patrick Gibo)

(To the tune of "I've Been Working On the Railroad")

I am waking up at seven
So I won't be late
I am waking up at seven
So I'll get to school by eight.

Don't you hear the 'larm clock ringing
Rise up and hurry on your way
Don't you hear your mother calling --
"You fool, it's Saturday."

Whistle While You Work (thanks to Steve H.)


Whistle while you work
Hitler was a jerk
Mussolini bit his weenie
Now it doesn't work!

The Worms Crawl In Version #1 (thanks to Deb)


The worms crawl in the worms crawl out
In your stomach and out your mouth
They chew your gums, they spit 'em out
They turn them into sauerkraut.

The Worms Crawl In Version #2 (thanks to Sniquer)

Did you ever think when a hearse goes by
That you might be the next to die?
They wrap you up in a big white sheet,
And bury you under about six feet.

When you're OK in about a week
Your casket begins to spring a leak.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
The worms play pinochle on your snout.
Your liver turns a slimy green
And pus comes out like whipping cream,
And me without a spoon!

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